You're the... Blog

Everyoneelseisalwaysright.

2006-01-10T14:51:00.000-06:00

My roomate, who is a genius even in her young years, has a theory about regret. It is that regret should not exist, because at every point that you make a choice, it is the right choice at that time. Even if it is wrong in the long run, it is right at the time. That makes a whole lot of sense to me, but I still feel like every decision I have made and am making is totally wrong.

I had come to a point where I realized that other people- even the ones who really try and help you- don't always know everything, or know what is best for you. So I thought I had to make choices that were right for me, but it turns out I still don't know everything either. In fact these days I feel like a complete moron. I don't know what the right thing is to do or think or want or say anymore! Its like I have no compass. I used to have one, I'm just not sure what the hell happened to it.

And the worst part, is that things just keep getting more complicated. It seems like they always do.

Cliches

2005-10-27T08:21:00.000-05:00

I think I'm becoming a total cliche yuppie. (Is this amplified by my writing a blog and drinking *gasp* another Starbucks coffee?) Grant McCracken says you can't really escape trends. Even if you go out of your way not to consume or purchase something, you are still acknowledging the thing by doing (or consuming) its opposite. So I got a venti bold. And its not bad.

The other thing I've been thinking a lot about lately is headphones. People- everywhere- walk around in this town completely disconnected from one another, in their own little universes, jamming along to their own personal soundtrack. I used to be one of these people. Then, someone accused me of being totally incompassionate, and it occurred to me that by disconnecting myself in this way I was missing so much about the everyday things that I couldn't hear or wasn't aware of, including the fascinating nature of other people- even complete strangers.

However, in a city of 5 million, to constantly be aware and conscious of all the people around you- is a very overwhelming task! I honestly was trying to be compassionate to every complete stranger I met, but it was so wearing on me.

Now, I've got the headphones back on, but not all of the time. It keeps me a little more sane when I am crushed like a sardine on the subway next to hundreds of strangers and their problems.

Priceless

2005-10-22T13:26:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I was late to work because I couldn't find my opera glasses. Today I purposefully stopped and got a Starbucks coffee. Everyday, I get up, temporarily transform into a sardine for my morning commute, and march down the iconic Bay St. (amid all the suits and breifcases) to go to work. I often work through lunch, and stay late. I have no life. Am I a lawyer? Accoutant? I might as well be. Who's life is this???

The ol' T-dot is looking a lot different these days, and I can't say I like it. Why is everyone in such a damn hurry all the time? Most people just click-clack in their fancy shoes right by the museums I work so hard in. Sadly, some days their attitude gets right to me and I wonder why the hell I even bother. And then I have no choice but to drink fancy coffee.

GO TO MUSEUMS. YOU CAN LEARN THINGS THERE. YOU MIGHT EVEN HAVE A GOOD TIME.

Stay strong, sistah!

2005-07-14T09:16:00.000-05:00

The older I get the more I realize how much I strongly dislike weak and dependent people. I mean, we are all at times weak and dependent, but I am talking about people who try to soak up the strength of others- like a sponge. I once read somewhere that the things you dislike about other people are actually subconscious manifestations of the self. Maybe I dislike these kinds of people because I am so afraid of becoming like them.

This sounds harsh, and I don't mean it to be. Life is hard, but we're not going to get anywhere complaining about it and hanging off other people. We have to support each other- that is the only way that we can maintain strength! In grade 10 we read "The Body" by Stephen King, and I'll never forget how the very-wise-for-his-age 11 year old main character states, "Your friends will drag you down". It isn't always true, but sometimes it is. What do you do with those friends? Cut them out of your life? Never- that is easy and cheap. Carry them? To what extent? Support them and try and give them advice? What if they don't hear you?

Listen? I think that must be it. Try and be compassionate and maintain consciousness. But remain removed so as not to be affected by negativity?

The question is- how much should we help those who are not willing to help themselves???

What you see and what you get

2005-06-25T16:50:00.000-05:00

Isn't it strange that way that an emotion or trait can manifest itself in totally the opposite way that it seems? For example: cocky, overconfident people- do you ever wonder, or find that perhaps they are actually suffering from low self-esteem or confidence, and are perhaps- overcompensating?

I have this problem with shyness. In most situations I am pretty comfortable. But, in some cases- usually the important ones, my shyness tends to manifest itself into coldness, making it seem like I don't care. When really, I do very much, but I am just desparately trying not to make an ass of myself. Not to expose too much.

I want so much to just be an open, honest, conscious and compassionate person. But it is hard! It is hard. Is it possible to acquire such consciousness?

Gunga. Gunga-galoonga.

Bridge over river Cam

2005-04-01T19:05:00.000-06:00

I had always wanted to go abroad to study, and finally last August I did. It was HUGE for me to get the guts to go to Cambridge University all by myself- but I had been daydreaming about the old colleges, dining halls, residences, libraries, brilliant professors, and being immersed in such a distinguished academic environment. Would I be a different kind of student in such a setting? Would brilliant thoughts flow seamlessly to be articulated eloquently? I had to find out...

What I didn't expect about the trip was meeting kids so similar to myself. I mean, who goes to school for fun in the summer? Intelligent, liberated, sensitive, funny, intuitive, charming, interesting 20-somethings, who are curious about the world, who want to learn, and who have the confidence to do it. And as I keep in touch with my Cambridge chums, I realize that as far away as we all are from one another- as many languages as we speak, in as many countries as we are- we are all in the same place della nostra vita (as Dante would put it). We are all in transitional points, somewhat misguided and lost, trying to figure out where the hell we are headed. And when you are feeling lost and alone, there is nothing like finding people in the same spot as you, to aid in orientation.

Does this sound like an after-school special? My life is a lot like that these days....

2005-03-19T19:26:00.000-06:00

A Blog about blogging....

2005-03-13T19:36:00.000-06:00

I usually try and stay away from these types of cyber-activities, but having been introduced to blogs recently, I am impressed and drawn to these thingies. The complaint of post-modern scholars is that technology (more or less since the industrial revolution)is actually alienating and isolating man from fellow man. This may be true or not true according to opinion, but if it is true, we still have to deal with it. I hate people who sit around and complain about things like that. If you feel isolated, go join something goddamit. Reach out to someone else. DO SOMETHING!
However, I find blogs a fascinating form of self-expression in our alientating age.